Funniest sexual experiences

 After replying to the 'embarrassing' sexual moments posts I thought why not start a similar topic but funniest rather than embarrassing.

I'll begin with this story.

I had a gf who I was in a relationship with for several years.About 3 years down the line she told me she actually didn't like getting a mouthful of cum whilst giving blowjobs.

In fact,she was disgusted by the taste and consistency of semen but had felt she should swallow as that's what was expected plus I had always remained in her mouth when cuming.

Well,I did tell her that the fact that she acted in a way you would expect someone who was really into swallowing cum to act had led me to believe that she was into it.

Plus 3 years of service swallowing down bucket loads of it reaffirmed that conclusion but if she truly felt so disgusted and resentful about it then don't suck the damn thing then there's no issue.

Oh no,she said she enjoyed sucking just not the load getting shot in her mouth so we agreed next time round when I felt like it was close to blowing time I warn her in enough advance so she could pull me from her mouth to blow anywhere else but orally.

So later that night or the next night she's busy sucking me hard and as was so often the case she was making a damn good job of it.

Well before approaching the moment I gave her good warning which she ignored completely continuing to suck harder,sliding her lips down and back up my shaft,sucking my head,squeezing my balls and bringing me closer and closer.

Again,I told her it's getting close and wouldn't be long so she best think about stopping very soon.

Again,she paid me no attention whatsoever but instead just got more and more into what she was doing.

I tapped her on the side of the head,told her I was starting my final lap now so beware but again she didn't appear to hear me.

So,seeing she made such an issue over it and we'd been together for so long having a very close relationship I figured I'd better take the necessary action to ensure this big load went anywhere but in her mouth so I began pulling away from her.

Yet as I pulled away she just followed me all the time I was rapidly reaching exploding time.

Again I pulled back telling her point blank I'm going to cum in a matter of seconds.

It seems at that moment she finally twigged what I was up to allowing me to pull out.

Unfortunately,it was too late and I was maybe 6-8 inches free of her mouth when I came like a hurricane exploding with the thickest,creamist and in a sheer volume like you wouldn't believe.

I went off squarely in her face,splattering her everywhere from her fringe to her chin not to mention a fair few strings of it over her lips and in her mouth.

Once I had finished I saw the absolute mess I made of her.One thick string adhered to her eyebrow,her eye and hanging down from cheek to chin.

Another big splatter in her hair and hanging down from her nose.

Then there was her spunk soaked mouth and chin,throat and chest.

The look of utter shock,humiliation and disgust was priceless and I burst out in hysterical laughter while she burst out in tears and ran off naked to the bathroom lol.

Even to this day so many years later the state she was in with bucket loads of fresh jizz dangling from her hair,face and chin makes me want to laugh out loud,it definitely cheers me right up lol.

I know ideally I should feel bad but I just can't.

For one,she swallowed it down night after night for years acting like she couldn't get enough just to turn round later and tell me she hated swallowing cum and felt resentful about it.

I did say why the fuck didn't you say so at any point but she kept going on that she felt she had no choice ,it was expected of her so that's what she did.

Well,she was the one that felt like it was expected of her or she had to do it.

I had never compelled her to do anything she didn't want to,I mean she had the cutest little,tight pink arsehole and I absolutely wanted to sink it deep in there but it was completely dirty and foul to her so it never happened,nor did I push it.

Likewise,I didn't expect her to swallow she had always done so with enthusiasm.

Due to that ,I've never felt particularly guilty over what happened afterall I really did warn her in plenty of time then try to remove myself from her mouth but no,she kept on sucking hard - because she actually loved to suck and unfortunately the trouble with that is the risk of a mouthful is huge lol.